Cant Sleep

ts 6:30am. I cannot sleep. I have got too much on my mind right now. To sleep would be a great luxury. If I could sleep my mind would stop racing. Its a weird feeling when you cant sleep. You are the only one up in the house. You drive the streets and you are the only person around. You may cross paths with someone. Where are they going? Can they not sleep as well? Are they headed off to work? Its the nights when you cant sleep that you feel at your most vulnerable. You are lonely. All alone with nothing but your thoughts. You try to collect them and make sense of it all but, you cannot. Maybe you are lucky. Maybe you can make sense of it. Maybe staying up all night is just what you needed. Maybe you are like me. You cannot make sense of anything. You try and try but all you can do is question yourself. In the end all you are left with are more questions. Questions that you do not have the answers for. If you had the answers thre would be no questions at all. Your mind would be free to think about other things. However you can not. Delerium starts to set in and you a smoking and sucking down coffee trying to fight it. The caffine and nicotine accelerate your heart rate. You heart is pounding. Blood pumping. Mind racing faster and faster. You loose control of your thoughts. You loose control of your emotions. After some time you start to come to your senses. You are wide awake now. You feel as if you have slept all night. You feel focused. You try to collect your thoughts. You try to collect your emotions. Everything comes together. The neighbor starts to mow the lawn. Your friends are awake. You eat lunch with them. You converse about the thoughts you had that evening. All they can do is listen. They try to offer their advice. In the end they are of no help. You try to talk about other things but it does not work. You only have one thing on your mind. Your speech starts to slur. Your eyes bloodshot. Heart still pounding. Mind racing. You lay in bed. The gravity of it all sinks in. You emotions run wild again. You try to hold them back. Your tears irrigate your pillow. Your pillow still smells of her. You grasp it tightly. You cant believe you fell for it. You fall asleep. The nightmare begins.